After almost nine years of letting this tiny space of a hodgepodge of thoughts in the internet of things be as it is, I find myself in front my of my laptop tapping on my keyboard again.
I guess I would naturally gravitate towards this platform when my brain is triggered by memories associated with certain material things which I conveniently tucked away somewhere in my room. Well, that is until some-unfortunate-event disrupts your room's homeostasis.
Thanks to unpredictable thunderstorms and by some unfortunate circumstance, my room on the second floor of our home got flooded - and ironically, our first floor remained relatively dry, until water from the ceiling started pouring down.
I wasn't around when it happened and I still can't get over the thought that our house got flooded from our second floor balcony. Who would have thought that the downpour would be that strong? Who would have thought that the drain could get clogged? Who would have thought that the flow of water was that strong that it seeped through the ceiling and practically started a downpour in our living room?
Who would have thought of all those things when everything has always been in order for the past twenty six years or so.
My room was in disarray. My precious organized chaos had been touched by someone else's hands because I wasn't there when it needed me.
Then it dawned on me, maybe this had to happen to prompt me to get rid of unnecessary things that had been collecting in my safe space all these years. I had been planning to renovate, get rid of furniture, clothes and all of those things since the year started but I never had the chance to start doing it.
Now I am in the process of trying to figure out what still sparks joy in my life and there, amidst the not-so-organized chaos is pack of cards and letter that I have forgotten all these years. Some are still damp, but most of them have survived the flooding inside my room.
I was nonchalant about it - after all, it's been such a long time since they have been written, received and appreciated. I was brave enough to read through one of them and it made me smile. Somehow, I was glad that at that point in my life, I was very much loved and cared for by someone other than family. There was someone to listen to me when I ranted about how hard my exam was, or how tiresome my duty went. That invaluable support is one of the reasons why I became the physician that I am today. For that, I am truly thankful until now.
I realize that I never had the opportunity to properly thank this person for the love and support that he gave me all those years. Medical school and Residency Training would probably have been tougher if it were not for his constant presence all those years. I am sincerely grateful for the time and effort.
I remember starting this blog close to twelve years ago, in the middle of my SHO duty, trying to make sense of what's left of residency and what's going to happen in my life. I remember the feeling of just going through waves of sadness, grief, anger and pain.
I chose to remember and I chose to forget everything. In choosing to forget, I responded with resentment instead of gratitude.
I still don't know what to do with that pack of cards and letters. A part of me wanted to keep it but it felt inappropriate to keep those memories with someone who is already happy with his own life.
It sparked joy and I am thankful.
Who would have thought of all those things when everything has always been in order for the past twenty six years or so.
My room was in disarray. My precious organized chaos had been touched by someone else's hands because I wasn't there when it needed me.
Then it dawned on me, maybe this had to happen to prompt me to get rid of unnecessary things that had been collecting in my safe space all these years. I had been planning to renovate, get rid of furniture, clothes and all of those things since the year started but I never had the chance to start doing it.
Now I am in the process of trying to figure out what still sparks joy in my life and there, amidst the not-so-organized chaos is pack of cards and letter that I have forgotten all these years. Some are still damp, but most of them have survived the flooding inside my room.
I was nonchalant about it - after all, it's been such a long time since they have been written, received and appreciated. I was brave enough to read through one of them and it made me smile. Somehow, I was glad that at that point in my life, I was very much loved and cared for by someone other than family. There was someone to listen to me when I ranted about how hard my exam was, or how tiresome my duty went. That invaluable support is one of the reasons why I became the physician that I am today. For that, I am truly thankful until now.
I realize that I never had the opportunity to properly thank this person for the love and support that he gave me all those years. Medical school and Residency Training would probably have been tougher if it were not for his constant presence all those years. I am sincerely grateful for the time and effort.
I remember starting this blog close to twelve years ago, in the middle of my SHO duty, trying to make sense of what's left of residency and what's going to happen in my life. I remember the feeling of just going through waves of sadness, grief, anger and pain.
I chose to remember and I chose to forget everything. In choosing to forget, I responded with resentment instead of gratitude.
I still don't know what to do with that pack of cards and letters. A part of me wanted to keep it but it felt inappropriate to keep those memories with someone who is already happy with his own life.
It sparked joy and I am thankful.
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